Resilience recession - and the cost no one talks about

Resilience is Lacking—And It’s Costing Us

Challenges are not new to the human experience. From surviving natural disasters to enduring global pandemics, humanity has always found ways to rise. Resilience isn’t just a nice-to-have quality—it’s part of our survival DNA.

So why, in recent years, does it feel like this inner strength is slipping away, especially among young adults?

As a therapist, I increasingly meet young individuals who seem to emotionally collapse under pressures that earlier generations appeared to navigate with more ease. A breakup, low exam scores, or a stalled career can send them spiralling into despair. Many describe feeling like they are trapped in a dark tunnel, unable to see even the faintest sliver of light at the end.

The question is: what’s changed?

Looking back to look Forward

Resilience isn’t some rare gift handed to a lucky few. It’s a capacity we all have—and often, one we’ve already used without realizing it. We just need help remembering.

When we look back—at our history, our family stories, our past struggles—we begin to reconnect with that strength. We see how we survived, adapted, and grew. And that gives us courage to face what’s ahead.

It’s not that life today is harder—in many ways, it’s more convenient than ever. But emotional endurance? It seems to be wearing thin. Here’s why I believe that’s happening:

1. Parenting Has Shifted: Protection vs. Preparation

Many of today’s parents are deeply loving—and deeply protective. But in trying to shield kids from pain, failure, and discomfort, they may unintentionally rob them of opportunities to build resilience.

Earlier generations were allowed (and often forced) to fail, struggle, and bounce back. These weren’t pleasant experiences, but they were formative. Without them, many young adults are now entering the real world emotionally untested and easily rattled.

2. The Culture of Instant Gratification

We live in a world of “tap-and-it’s-yours.” Food, entertainment, even validation—everything’s instant. But emotional growth doesn’t work that way. It’s slow, messy, and often invisible for a while.

So when things don’t improve quickly—when healing or progress takes time—it can feel like failure. That frustration can quickly snowball into hopelessness.

3. Social Media and the Comparison Trap

Every scroll can feel like a reminder that everyone else is doing better. Better jobs. Better relationships. Better bodies. Better lives.

What we forget is that social media isn’t reality—it’s a highlight reel. But when you’re already feeling low, the contrast between your internal struggles and others’ curated feeds can be devastating.

4. Struggle Still Feels Shameful

Even though we’ve made huge strides in mental health awareness, there’s still a stigma around struggling. Too often, young adults believe they’re the only ones not coping well—when in fact, they’re far from alone.

Is Resilience a Lost Trait?

Absolutely not. I believe it is just undernourished.

Resilience isn’t a fixed trait—it’s a skill. And like any skill, it needs practice, challenge, and time to grow. The good news is that it can be built at any age. It’s not about avoiding pain—it’s about learning how to hold it without losing ourselves.

What Can We Do About It?

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, mentor, or simply someone who cares, here are few practical ways we can support emotional strength:

1. Normalize Failure

Let’s talk about failure as a stepping stone—not the opposite of success. Share your own setbacks. Make it clear that struggle doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you—it means you’re learning.

2. Teach Emotional Literacy

Instead of rushing to soothe or fix, help young people feel. Let them sit with sadness, frustration, disappointment. Those emotions are not weaknesses—they’re part of being human.

3. Let Them Fall (With Support)

It’s okay to let young adults stumble—just be there when they do. Not to cushion every fall, but to offer perspective and support while they get back up.

4. Model Resilience

Talk about how you handle stress, failure, or disappointment. Kids don’t just listen to what we say—they watch what we do.

5. Have that Conversation

Be a resilience coach by having the right conversation with your child –

“It’s okay to feel upset/disappointed/anxious. Those feelings make sense.”

“What do you think might help—even a little bit?”

Being a resilience coach doesn’t mean being perfect—it means being present. Your child doesn't need a superhero. They need a steady, compassionate guide who believes in their ability to grow through challenge.

A Final Thought

Resilience isn’t gone. It’s just buried—under overprotection, instant gratification, and impossible expectations. But we can help uncover it.

By creating space for discomfort, normalizing struggle, and encouraging growth through challenge, we can help the next generation reconnect with the strength that’s already inside them.

Because at the end of every dark tunnel, there is light. Sometimes, all they need is someone to help them look for it.

Preethi Sanjay

Founder, The Psychle of Life